katnap snaps back: Ep 08: Jackie Oh For Pity's Sake!

It's another Atlas morning, with everyone rehashing the previous challenge.

Michael C tells of being called out by Heidi for his runway eyerolls, to Andy's usual superior stare. And I just have to say - I hate Andy. Note I never said that about Asshat Jason, Gretchen or Ivy. But I'm sick of his attitude toward his roommate. I used to supervise a woman who gave her coworkers that same look. Happiest day of my working life when she moved on.

In the women's room, it's "I am Ivy, hear me blow my own horn." Michael C thinks she needs to Step It Up.

"If opaque were a color, it would be called Ivy."

I'm pretty sure there's already a color called Ivy.

Behr Paints and Ford: We agree with katnap.

Heidi hits the runway in a black mini with a droopy sheer black overlay that's longer on the sides than the back or front. Who's been styling Heidi this year? She's been in a series of outfits that wouldn't pass the judges' muster if designers put them out on the runway. She tells them that in this challenge, they'll be looking to the past to secure their futures.

Gretchen - in cool top, Teutonic braids and that unflattering orange-red lipstick she's addicted to - doesn't want to make a corset. Noted.

hey meet Tim in some random loft-like place (why?) to see photos of Jacqueline Kennedy (no Onassis).

The Challenge: classic American sportswear in their own style, inspired by Jackie. Think "quality taste style sophistication elegance."

As they sketch, Christopher feels comfortable. Andy thinks it's a "hin-der-ance" until he decides that he'll honor her as a fashion risk-taker - which she was absolutely not. She was always impeccably in fashion, not ahead of it. That way she was a non-threatening style role model. Look at the photos, dude.

Andy: Not gonna do the challenge, no sirree.

Off to Mood, Tim where reiterates "quality taste style sophistication elegance" and adds "expensive." Mondo hears the cloth talking again.

Mondo, the Fabric Whisperee

Back in the workroom, the gretching begins right out of the gate.

Mondo gets the benefit of a consultation with Miss G.

Hearts seem to be light, though.

"Very Jackie O."

Michael D's Heidi impression" "Your look was well-sewn and expensive. Leave the runway."

Valerie feels like the Susan Lucci of the show, in an adorable pony-scarf.

Michael C: "Too flight attendant?" Andy: "I can't bail you out."

Way to over-react,Andy. Michael C is mostly making conversation, not really asking for advice. Don't be such a dick.

Tim drops in for his Walkabout, rocking a shirt with a tight check and a colorful striped tie. He talks Valerie out of slim pants, and she decides to do a skirt instead.

Michael D: Jackie Kennedy + desert + mescaline = Mondo

Orange-red lipstick! April is spending too much time with Gretchen.

Tim: "This is Annie O, not Jackie O."

Re Andy's pants: "More like Jackie Yo than Jackie O."

At least she hasn't lost her wit without Peach.
Tim shows up (in seersucker! and retro plaid tie!) to tell the designers that this is not a runway day.

Tim:"If my tie were thinner, this would be my homage to Mad Men."

Designers: We fear and loathe the twist."

The Twist... make another item: outer wear. Michael C isn't into it, since in Palm Springs they don't do much of that.

Captain Outerwear meets Captain Underpants
(new book by author/illustrator Dav Pilkey?)

Valerie is dismayed since she already made a jacket.

katnap: " "Valerie, do a cape!"

Valerie: "I'm doing a vest."
katnap: "No, a cape. A cape!"

Back at Mood, they have 15 minutes and $150.

There's an attempt on the part of the editors to manufacture some drama when Michael C sees some fabric sticking out and decides to use it. Gretchen comes and takes fabric out of his hands, but it was clearly sticking out because she found it, pulled it, and went to find a Mood minion to carry it for her. She's in the clear on this one.

Christopher check out the faux fur, but it looks tacky, so he goes to the hide section. This is this first time using animal skin. The editors redeem themselves with a quick cut to Swatch.

"Christopher is dead to me."

Christopher: "I feel a little bit bad."

Thank you, Mood!

Back at the workroom, sewing flurry. Christopher decides he has to cut his fur down. I think they call that shearling? Don't know, my shearling coat is made of recycled plastic bottles. Seriously. It's machine washable.

Michael C has made multiple garments, which seems to be his process. Gretchen and Ivy are being nasty about it, shockingly enough.

Where's Andy?

Michael C: "Step up and win a fucking challenge yourself, then." katnap: Indeed.

Tim's outwear walkabout: pithy. Watch the time, Watch the crotch, Make this work, Put that under the table, Build it up. The exception is Michael D. Tim tries to talk him out of the skirt again.

Michael D: The Three Faces of Tim, and I'm getting the third!

Pre-runway at Atlas, Andy is confident, while the women are worried for him. Michael D is worried; but his roommates reassure him.

Mondo looks like Pinocchio auditioning for the role of the MC in Cabaret.

Holy Runway Day Blush Stripes! April's spending too much time around Gretchen.

The Loreal makeup artists seem to be getting tired of the smoky eye. Not sure why they're bothering, since many of the designers seem to be guided by the old Human Sexual Response song (link for those not around in 1980).

"I'd be happy to be Jackie..."

"I'd be happy to be Jackie...

Runway time! The judges are Michael, Nina and guest "stylish actress" January Jones aka Betty Draper.

Christopher Very Oleg Cassini dress, bath mat around the shoulders. January Jones would look great in the dress - much better then her blue foil muffin cup dress from the Emmys. That's going to save him. My rating: Safe, as always
April Nice dress, shame about the very silly bed jacket with a deep ruffle on the bottom and at one armhole. Her model walked the hell out of it. My rating: Safe?
Ivy Gotta give Ivy props - her blouse and jacket are the first garments this season that I want to own. Not so much the pants, but they are still expensive-looking. My rating: Top 2, and, much to my surprise, the winner
Michael C The dress and the jacket are both good looking and well made. Problem is, the dress is cocktail or maybe resort, and the jacket is office or -maybe- sportswear. Anyway, they don't relate to each other or to the challenge. My rating: (Lucky to be) Safe
Gretchen Snooze. Shapeless oatmeal jacket, with a belt that sits bizarrely low. Basic print skirt. The top is rather cute, but the hem is uneven. Styling: huge flappy envelope bag and clunky shoes. My rating: Bottom 3, but not out
Michael D The cartridge pleats are unflattering and the tanks don't fit well. Otherwise this look wouldn't be all that bad. Except, the challenge is to create something JKO would wear. Never in a million years! Well, maybe the jacket with trousers. My rating: Bottom 3, and maybe auf
Valerie Boring, but at least it has some sportswear style to it. I like the vest, just not with the jacket under it. Valerie should have stuck with her original pants plan, and made a cape. My rating: (Much too) Safe
Andy Oh, lord. If JKO had only this to wear, she would have made a toga out of a sheet before she'd be caught dead in any single piece of this outfit, let alone all of it together. My rating: Bottom 3, and auf if there's any justice
Mondo Wonderful marriage of Mondo and Jackie (now there's an image!). Love the sleeve detail on the T-shirt, the mix of the stripe and the houndstooth, the purple jacket lining to match the skirt. My rating: Top 3, make that 2, close second

The judges are going to have a field day after this show. I could only pick a Top 2 - and at least those two were excellent. The other are all disappointments.

Judges: Please step forward, Michael C, April, Gretchen. They are Safe.

Michael C: "I can't believe I'm safe. And I can't believe that you, my queen, are not being crowned the on-the-spot winner of the season."

Gretchen: "I know. I am indeed the fairest in the land."

Michael C: "Forsooth I have learned how the game is played."

Gretchen: "I am the tiniest bit suspicious, for the knave has hitherto not had the perspicacity to espy my radiance."

On the runway, Valerie is Bottom 3. The judges find her outfit boring and badly done. Heidi keeps trying to get her to admit that she put the vest over a jacket. Nina rightly points out that Valerie keeps using zippers and pleats as details, and nothing else. Valerie hold it together but is clearly very disappointed.

Sad and stunned

The judges all like Christopher's dress and find the wrap ugly.

Michael D is absolutely savaged by the judges. Michael says he finds the idea that Michael D would come up with his look in relation to Jacqueline Kennedy insulting.

Stunned and sad

Heidi asks Mondo to tell the judges about his look. He starts talking about the outfit he sent down the runway.

Heidi: "I didn't mean your model, I meant you, Tell us about what you're wearing." Ba-dum-bum

Good one, Heidi. Perfect setup, perfect delivery.

The other judges really love everything about it. January Jones says she thinks Mondo and his model look great together.

katnap: I think they look like a ventriloquist and her dummy.

But don't get me wrong, that wee man in the silly clothes can design.

Ivy explains that she finds JKO timeless, and she was inspired by triangles and squares which are also timeless. Michael loves the elegance and geometry of it, calls it architectural. Heidi finds it overdesigned. I think Ivy will have to go a long way to win Heidi over. January finds it chic, and Nina really likes the styling. Now that I can see the details on the pants, I want them too.

Andy says he associates Jackie with ease and the confidence to have her own style. His pants are a "statement piece." You know, JKO really didn't do statement pieces. He's displaying his own ignorance. I know he's young, but I'm sure he's studied fashion at some point.

Heidi says she can hardly keep from cracking up (laughter? insanity?) looking at it. Another comedy moment occurs when she says she doesn't she JKO in it at all, and every time Andy opens his mouth, she stops him with another AT ALL. Then she calls him out on the fit of the pants.

January says it doesn't read as American sportswear, and Andy replies that he doesn't see himself as an American sportswear designer.

This incenses Michael, who sneers that perhaps Andy fancies himself a grand couturier, which Andy denies - and while I think he's self-deluded, I don't think it's in quite that way. Michael then says something about MC Hammer meets Granny of the Beverly Hillbillies. Nina calls it a trainwreck.

They designers head backstage, while the judges deliberate. Valerie: boring; Andy: horrible awful terrible bad bad bad. Then here comes Nina with her "but at least he might surprise us" refrain.

Michael: "He surprised us today." Nina: "Preach."

Michael D: terrible, poor, sad; Christopher: great dress, bad wrap; Mondo: did it right; Ivy: elegant. Heidi feels that Ivy's look was old, and I disagree. Besides, JKO never dressed particularly "young" even when she was young.

The verdict:

The Winner

The CLEAR winner - no competition.

Christopher is in.

Ivy is in.

Andy is in. WTF? I'm sick of that "at least he isn't boring " argument. His look was completely ridiculous. This is a travesty.

Valerie and Michael D - bottom 2

Valerie is in.

OUT

Respectable decision, but Andy should have been the other choice, not Valerie.

Michael says he'll mostly miss Mondo and Christopher, and the group should not be sad for him. When Tim comes in, he looks close to tears.

Michael D affectionately says he's fine with the fact that he didn't listen to Tim, who says it was Michael D's Waterloo. At Michael D, witty to the last, says he's headed off to look that up.