Ep03 - Stilted

Short one this week - I'm working way too much. Haven't had a day off in a month. Poor, employed me, right?

Anyway, "shorter" is a good theme, because the Stilt Challenge was not a success. The runway was downright creepy, and the clothes were a waste of many yards of fabric.

Worst show moments: The million times we had to hear Bryce talk about fabric grain, and any interaction between  Bert and Viktor, and stooping to Kim Kardashian as a judge.


Best show moments: When Joshua noted that he and Julie could easily switch genders, Becky and Kimberly overcoming their discomfort with each other, Cecelia rocking a blowout so that we could see that she's actually very pretty, and harmonious teams Anthony Ryan + Laura, Anya + Olivier.  

Laura Anthony Ryan Dramatic - flowed beautifully on the run way. My one quibble is that the shoulder flowers make the model look neckless. My rating: Top 3
  Anya   Olivier  Completely boring attempt to blend men's and women's wear, because the bland colors allowed nothing to stand out. My rating: Top 3, but only because there needs to be a third
  Becky  Kimberly  This is actually cool. I like the way it straddles the line between circusy (because, hey, stilt walkers) and real clothing. Smart using a one-shoulder jacket to highlight the model's tattoo, and the asymmetric hem actually balances the proportions. My rating: Top3, Winner
Viktor  Bert The shirt is an ugly tablecloth from an overdecorated Christmas table. The top, with it's awkward construction that gave the model a huge stomach, is bad drapes from your stuffy great-grandmother's house. My rating: Bottom 3
 Cecelia  Danielle Horrible 70s palette, bad 80s silhouette, ugly stiff 60s beehive hairdo. If not for the stilts, I would call this a frumpy 80s office manager wearing her mother's wig. (Frosted wigs were big in the 60s - my mother had one that aged her two decades. She looks younger now at 75 than she did in that wig.) My rating: Bottom 3, and Danielle should be auf for the blouse and the hair
 Fallene  Bryce  Unfinished and cliche. After Bryce's badgering and Fallene's lack of fortitude meant she fell apart, they ended up with a tube top and a tutu. The headpiece was Fallene's only contribution. My rating: Safe, only because others were much worse.
Joshua Julie I'd normally call this a weird matador costume, but why wouldn't you put a stilt walker in a costume. This went wrong with an awkward cummerbund and red lame (missing the accent mark on purpose) top . My rating: Bottom 3

The judges agreed with my top 2, but bizarrely loved the beehive office manager look, I think because they were so impressed by the masterful use of chiffon. They raved about the flow of the red dress, and praised Kimberly's pants to the skies.

Anya and Olivier were safe, and the three costumey looks (as Joshua astutely pointed out) were on the bottom.

They especially hated the matador cape and had a hard time deciding whether it was worse that Fallene only made a headpiece, or that it was the only think that they liked about Bryce's outfit.

And the upshot:


Team Red wins, with Anthony Ryan ceding the title and immunity to Laura.

Fallene is Auf'd

So we come away with the following:

Danielle and Cecelia can sew. Becky and Kimberly bear watching. Bert is a bratty know-it-all and Viktor is a bratty know-it-less. Joshua is much more mature than I expected. Julie is still invisible. Bryce is irritating and too self-congratulatory for his output. Laura managed not to be odious this week at all, and she was properly grateful to mensch Anthony Ryan. Olivier and Anya are cute together; with their authentic and suspect accents.

Poor Fallene - she just wasn't equipped to do the show. But she seems like a sweetheart and her clothes are very cute. Good luck to her!

Ep02 - Heavy Petting

This is the search for the next big fashion designer! And MK and Nina are now in the open.

Luckily, they both have fabulous day jobs.

Heidi arrives to tell the designers to "Unleash their creativity."

Joshua immediately leaps to an S&M challenge.

But no, the designers meet Tim out side a discount pet supply store. it's the unconventional materials challenge. They have $300 and 30 min in the store.

Anthony Ryan fishes for materials that the other designers aren't using.

Tim tells them all not to use cloth materials like part of a dog bed.

After getting a birdseye view of the merchandise, Bert asks for a dog bed.

Bryce, among others, gets Weewee Pads for training dogs not to need a cat-heter. This is the last time I will type that product name.

Back in the workroom, Tim informs the designers that they have 11 hours to finish their garment, plus a little time in the morning, which they see as cataclysmic.

Viktor comes up with a catchphrase - "This isn't fashion, it's trashin'."

Cecelia is thinking of using dogfood as beads. Pity the model who has to wear that garment under hot lights and walk home followed by all the animals in the neighborhood!

Josh thinks using this umbrella as his fabric will put him in the catbird seat.

Laura is using dog cones to make a modified rabato.

Becky is certainly rabid for color.

Following his "more is more" dogma, Joshua even decorates his shoes with pet toys.

Tim thinks Viktor's pad dress is a catalyst to some fun evenings, since "you never have to get up from your barstool."

Olivier petitions Tim for his opinion on whether the material he used for his top is too fabric-like.

Julie is concerned that her dress is too petrous to be effective on the runway.

Kimberly has a repetitive task to make all the braiding she needs for her garment.

Anya is snaking leashes around her model as she decides how to craft a skirt. 

Laura seems to think that her "upper class (in St. Louis?) pedigree and a delinquent childhood spent at Neiman's makes her qualified to judge whether a skirt is vulgar. This one would have even Zulema and Ping petrified.

She realizes she needs to make another skirt, so she'll need to play catchup.

Fallene's enthusiasm for her design is petering out. 

Danielle grooms her model.

Runway time! This time Heidi's in a knee-length fuschia sheath.


It's pretty, but something's not right about this look.



The guest judge is the nearly catatonic-looking Stacey Bendet from Alice +Olivia.


Alice+Olivia is one of those lines that confuse me (Theory is another). They essentailly sell really expensive basics - white blouses, black skirts, tan pant suits, only twice what you'd normally pay. If there's some elusive value about these lines, please someone let me know. Otherwise, I think there are a few Naked Emporers rabitting around.

Before the show, let's pause for a lesson in proportion.

Anya has two pairs of the same earrings in different sizes.  With her petite frame and features, the smaller ones are definitely better.

OK, enough with the doglegging. On with the show...

Danielle Materials: rope dog toys, pads The macrame top is nice. There's something fishy about the color combo, though, and the tie-dye is busy with the open-weave top. My rating: Safe
Fallene Materials: dog bed, aquarium seaweed Wow, is that belt a mistake! In the workroom, this looked like a Mad men-era cocktail dress. Trying to funk it up with the belt and boots makes it too cat-egorically autumnal. My rating: Safe
Anthony Ryan Materials: birdseed Beautiful subtle pattern covers the entire muslin base - reminds me of Chloe's garden dress in S2. The sunburst collar detail with the high neck is the bees knees . My rating: Top3, Winner
Bert Materials: dog bed, bird cage netting Bert deserves to be in the doghouse for this - there's obviously no effort at all. My rating: Bottom 3 and Arf if not for immunity
Julie Materials: leashes, dog food bags A very bad knock-off of Korto's S5 seatbelt coat. The woven pattern changes awkwardly in the back, which is shorter, and the stiffness has the model walking like she's hog-tied. My rating: Bottom 3
Anya Materials: rope dog toys, leashes The parrot-colored rope halter is beautiful, and Anya is one of the few that didn't cut the skirt too short. This could cat-apult her to the Top 3. My rating: Safe
Bryce Materials: hamster bedding, pads An absolute cat-astrophe! The thick midriff top is unflattering, and the skirt would be over the top on Cyndi Lauper in the 80s. It looks like the model wanted to be able to grab wipes from her shirt at any time. My rating: Bottom 3, and Arf
Kimberly Materials: dog pillow, aquarium tubing Kimberly doggedly braided that pretty blue tubing to make a great bodice - an actual tube top. If it weren't so messy on the left side, this could have been Top 3. My rating: Safe
Joshua C Materials: umbrella, reptile cage lining Becky spoke for us all when she said, "He put puppies on the puppies." This outfit could only be worn in a super-tacky cathouse. I especially hate the gecko-green cloth under the belt. My rating: Bottom 3, and he should send Bryce a fruit basket
Viktor Materials: pads The dress fits like a second skin, and the ombre pattern is pretty, but Vikor should has let his kreativity out of the kage. My rating: much too Safe
Cecelia Materials: dog collars, hamster bedding The turquoise hamster bedding in the skirt makes a nice tweed, and the dog collars in the belt and across the back back it less pet-esdrian. My rating: Safe
Olivier Materials: dog bed, hamster bedding The ombre on the skirt is nice, but I think the birdcage shape is stiff and makes the model look bigger on the bottom than necessary. The lambskin top look uncomfortable. I do like the tubing belt with adds a slicker texture. My rating: Safe
Becky Materials: aquarium foliage Cool pet-al dress, with expertly mixing of bold color. Love how she matched the shoes to the red edging on the yellow leaves. Also, the feather wings at the top of the bodice give the shape some edge. My rating: Safe
Laura Materials: scratch cardboard, leashes While it's impossible for me to catalog how annoying I find this girl, she rocked out a prefectly reasonable ourfit at the last minute. The top is edgy and cool, and the cardboard kist manages to look like it has movement, which is pretty dificult to acheive. My rating: Top 3
Joshua M Materials: aquarium rocks, reptile cage lining Besides the fact that the skirt is too sheer and the model's pu**y can be seen, this totally works. The bright aquarium pattern on the swingy tank is hypnotic, the high waist of the skirt works with the circle skirt. The makeup and accessories will most likely send the judges into cataleptics, though. My rating: Top 3

Heidi calls Danielle, Julie, Laura, Viktor, Becky, Cecelia, Kimberly, Anya, and Bert forward. They are Safe. Bert is admonished for completely dogging the challenge, which he admits. Left on the runway - Josh, Joshua, Fallene, Anthony Ryan, Bryce and Olivier.

Catamites unite!

Bottom 3: Bryce, Josh and Fallene. She's a surprise; I thought Julie's was much worse.
Top 3: Anthony Ryan, Olivier, Joshua.

Angst on the catwalk

The judges point(er) out that Byrce's materials don't look transformed - they look like what they are.

Stacy uptalks that she loves Anthony Ryan's, and that it's actually wearable as long as there aren't any birds around.

Nina loves Olivier's, calls it editorial which I think means no real human would actually wear it, but it's cool enough to photograph. Everyone loves the dress but hates the eyebrows.

Josh C's is considered too safe and "off."

They love Joshua's oufit but think the makeup and accessories are too much.

The amount of makeup on Joshua's model prompts catcalls. 

And now I know what's off about Heidi's look - too much cheek or lip color - one needs to be toned down. Hoisted by her own petard!

 Fallene agrees with everything the judges say when they call her out for making a boring dress in ugly, dated colors that is badly accessorized.

The designers are sent backstage.

In the Green Room, Bryce is petulent.

 The judges agree on everything, excpet Heidi and Nina square off - Heidi loves Anthony Ryan's, but Nina thinks it's too doggone short. Heidi thinks Nina is birdbrained for preferring Olivier.

MK says the per-pet-ual conflict is pushing him into manopause.

And the upshot of all this cat-hesis is:

The winner is Nina.. I mean, Olivier

Anthony Ryan is in and Heidi tells him she liked his best. Joshua is in. Bryce is in.

Bryce is in????

Josh is Arf'd

Fallene is in. You know, when she cries she reminds me of Lisa Kudrow.

I'd have sent Bryce home, but Josh is taking a walk. Bye, Josh!

What do you think of this challenge - was it a dog? Why is it that Nina always wins the catfights between she, Heidi and MK? Is Stacey Bendet a Hello Kitty character?